Your boo is basking in a warm post-coital glow. They gently nod off in an orgasmic bliss. Meanwhile, you’re praying your vibrator is fully charged so you can finish too. Or maybe you want to see whether you can get off without whipping out a vibe mid-sesh. Perhaps you just wish that, instead of relying on your favorite toy whenever you feel like a solo session, you could climax easily on your own. Whatever your reason, we’re here to help.
We’re all about bringing a sexy and playful toy into bed, and we know that they’re a pretty damn awesome way to explore your sexuality. Heed the words of Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily podcast (and Glamour contributor), to quell your fears now: “Rest assured, the regular use of a vibrator won’t render you incapable of manually generated orgasms,” she says. But if you feel like you’ve come to depend on your Lioness, MysteryVibe’s Crescendo or We-Vibe’s Nova exclusively and wanna orgasm sans batteries, here are sex experts' tips for making it happen. (better sex)
1. First up, RELAX:
Sex toys play a vital role in our sexual discovery with ourselves and with our partners. Hallelujah to that! “There is no rule that says every encounter must be two bodies only, especially if you can count on your vibrator more than your partner for an orgasm every time. If you are struggling with shame, it's time to let go,” advises Gloria Brame, sex therapist and author of Sex for Grown-Ups. Just like with sexual positions, you’re not gonna wanna stick to missionary every damn day. So view breaking out of your vibrator rut as an opportunity to discover new à la carte menu offerings that get you equally turned on. You may even discover you like manual stimulation more and can achieve a deeper, longer orgasm when you ditch your toys for your digits.
2. Get your mind turned on:
Sometimes when we come to rely on vibrators, we forget to turn our mind switch “on” to what gives us an erotic rush and focus on being wholly present (both of which can intensify your climax). “[It’s important to] remember that arousal is both physical and psychological stimulation. Our biggest sex organ is our brain, so explore your mental turn-ons!” says Megan Fleming, a sex and relationship therapist in New York City. “A few to try: “Replay in your mind’s eye some of your all-time favorite sexual experiences, explore your fantasies, brush up on erotic reading. The possibilities are as limitless as your imagination.” Excuse us as we cue up our dream porn vids…
3. Pay attention to when you most enjoy solo sessions:
“Orgasms can be hard to have depending on your mood, your health, your periods, your fatigue level, [and more],” Brame points out. “This is less true in men, whose physiology operates differently and who can achieve erections and orgasms from very straightforward stimulation (friction).” So if you are used to masturbating, say, after the gym in the evening, you may want to shake things up and try getting busy in your AM shower. You may even want to keep a diary tracking these factors after each time, just to see what sets the backdrop for the ideal pleasure scenario for you.(sex advice)
4. Let your fingers do the walking:
Not quite sure where to start? Try this: “Take your pointer and middle finger and place them on the clitoris and clitoral hood (the skin right above the visible part of the clitoris),” offers Morse. “Try moving your fingers slowly in circular motion, experimenting with different pressure and strokes until you find what feels best for you. Then maintain a steady rhythm until you reach that delicious climax.” Don’t get frustrated if you can’t get off at first: it might take a few tries to regain sensitivity without the added oomph of a toy. Instead, enjoy the slow thrill of the budding arousal and strengthen your awareness of where your personal pleasure points are located.
5. Crank down the volume:
Rather than going cold turkey before exploring manual stimulation, you may find this a better way to ease off your toys: “If you are conditioned to an electric vibrator, you might want to try a battery powered (less intense), variable-speed vibrator on its lowest setting,” offers Fleming. After a few sessions, you’ll likely notice your sensitivity is enhanced at these lower levels and you can get completely in the mood without blasting away to the strongest mode. Orgasms await even if you dial back on the throttle speeds and your fave pulsing patterns, we promise.
6. Or, use both your hands and toy to achieve a mind blowing Big-O:
This combo method may be the best of both worlds. “Start off with a low-vibration, tease yourself a little through the arousal phase, and then switch to your fingers to bring it home,” says Morse. Mix things up with the order you switch between the two, the tempo of your vibrator, and even how long you use each method before switching. “Before you know it, you’ll be in the middle of an orgasm like you’ve never had before!”
7. Rejoice knowing that solo exploration will enhance your partnered sex life, too:
Whether you choose to tone things down with your vibrator’s intensity, masturbate with your fingers or use a mix of the two, there’s a pretty neat bonus of all this pleasure-work: “Acquainting your hands directly with your lady parts is not only important when pleasing yourself, but also so you can better direct someone else’s fingers toward your sweet spot,” shares Morse. The better you know your body, the better you’ll be able to offer guidance in bed to others.
8. Don’t let orgasming be your only goal:
Zero in on the joy of personal intimacy, experiencing different waves and types of pleasure, and even exploring joint masturbation. “Make intimacy and bonding the point (which is how your brain would like you to see it too, by the way),” advises Brame. “This is a great time to buff up your sensual skills and expand your sexual repertoire.” You may find that learning your personal tipping point, connecting with your body, and discovering new arousal triggers may be even better than that battery-powered O.