When you close your eyes (or ahem, turn on your favorite porno) and get yourself worked up as you masturbate, there are probably a few go-to visuals that really turn you on. From girl-on-girl action and stranger sex to the kind of oral sex you’ve always dreamt of having, your fantasies are what help you orgasm and give you creative liberty for the next time your have intercourse with your girlfriend.
If you’re like most men — heterosexual or homosexual — a great blow job is up there on your list of favorite acts to receive. Not only is the subtle suction and wetness invigorating but the submissive quality of the act from your partner likely helps arouse you, too. The one element that often makes a typical, traditional blow job more extraordinary? When your partner deep throats your shaft. (sex advice)
Once you’ve experienced that level of oral penetration, it’s hard to imagine anything else as satisfying. But not all women are keen to give it a chance or have fears surrounding what might happen if they try it. However, if you want to make it part of your sexual repertoire, you need to know some facts — and some myths — about what deep throating is, what it requires and how to successfully and comfortably incorporate it into your relationship and your sex life.
Here, the sex experts break down the misconceptions:
1. What Is Deep Throating?
When you envision your girlfriend deep throating you, you can imagine the sensation of tightness and the gagging noise that’s surprisingly a turn on. But do you know exactly, and clinically, what deep throating is? Luckily for you, Hunter Riley is a sex educator of the Mastering the BJ Interactive Skills class, and has the skinny on the deep throating practice.
“Deep throating is the practice of relaxing your throat enough so that it opens up and you put a penis (or hands, or a toy) in your throat. Blowjobs often mean using your hands and mouth to stimulate penis. Deep throating is when, with some practice and warm up, the throat opens up to slide the penis down into the throat,” Riley explains.
2. How Does A Woman Learn How To Deep Throat?
The idea of essentially swallowing a large shaft can be intimidating for some women, and for most, it is a learned practice over time. In fact, sex experts agree that being able to deep throat is something that requires patience and trying a variety of angles and positions to become the most comfortable.
“In order for this to happen, it's often helpful that your girlfriend opens her throat and mouth as big as she can, pushes her tongue down as flat as she can to the floor of her mouth, make her neck as long as possible and pull her eyebrows up,” Riley explains. “All of these things help to make the throat and mouth ready for deep throating.”
A tight jaw might also be an issue for people who want to learn how to deep-throat, Riley says. “Some people have a hard time deep-throating because it can be hard to relax their jaw, or they might have lock jaw. In that case, I highly recommend using toys. An open-ended penis sleeve such as the Fist Pump or the Get a Grip can be used on the shaft, while someone uses their mouth on just the head of the penis,” she explains. “The sleeve and some lube apply delicious pressure to the shaft of the penis while your partner strokes back and forth with their hand. While that's happening, they can use their mouth and tongue to play with the head. It feels like deep-throating, but the toy is doing half the work!”
Others might need to try something different to fully wrap their mind — and their mouths! — around the act and idea of deep throating. As psychologist, relationship expert and the award-winning author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life Antonia Hall, MA. explains, your partner’s first step is managing her gag reflex and then figuring out how to make deep throating work for her and you.
“It's important as the giver to find the best angle that works for her. Some prefer kneeling over the penis, while others find it's easier to lean their heads off the bed and have the penis inserted from that angle. Breathing in at the same time as taking the penis in can be helpful, then exhale while it's coming out,” Hall says. “She should go slowly to adjust to the natural gag reflex, which can be numbed with throat sprays if it's a really difficult challenge. Also, keeping a moistened grip on the end of the penis by his balls can allow for greater control, especially while becoming comfortable with deep-throating.”
Riley adds that when your partner embraces her gag reflex — but isn’t afraid of it and doesn’t associate it with something negative — that’s when the magic happens. “People always ask me, ‘How can I get rid of my gag reflex’ or ‘Do you have numbing spray that will numb my gag reflex?’ We don't carry that stuff because your gag reflex is a good thing,” she explains. “It's your body telling you to remember to breathe and unblock your airways. Learning how to deep-throat means you learn how to manage your gag reflex, not suppress it.”
3. What Are The Benefits Of Deep Throating?
This might seem like a no-brainer for you, considering it’s merely a very hot act that both impresses and incredibly turns you on, but there are actual perks of giving this type of oral sex a go.
It Feels Amazing
“Deep-throating can feel really incredible for the person with the penis for a few reasons. It provides firm, broad pressure to one of the most sensitive parts of the penis, the tip,” Riley explains. “If the tip of the penis is being surrounded with stimulation in a soft, wet throat, and the shaft is in your mouth, and depending on the penis, you might have some of it in your hands, that in increasing nerve ending contact so that almost all the erectile tissue of the penis is being stimulated.”
It Goes Well With Rough Sex
Deep-throating can all be really fun for people who like consensual rough sex too because it can become quite challenging and intense, you you are both into that dynamic,” Riley says. “It can be challenging, and there is a risk of gagging, but that's normal and natural.” And in fact, working through that together can bring you closer, engage your relationship and make you brave to try other things that previously scared you or were hard (pun intended).
It Makes Swallowing Easier
Most men are turned on by the idea of finishing in their partner’s mouth. While it’s important to always get permission before letting one go when she’s going down on you, if your girlfriend struggles with the taste of semen, deep-throating is a good alternative: she’s still swallowing, but she doesn’t have to endure the taste. “For her, the benefit is if she does not like the taste of semen when a man comes in her mouth, that when he climaxes it is well past the taste buds,” sex expert Colleen Singer says. “Of course, some semen will end up on the tongue as you pull away, but not nearly the volume as in a ‘regular’ blowjob.
It’s Surprisingly Intimate
It might seem kinky and like something out of an X-rated video at first, but Hall actually says that learning to deep-throat together can bring you closer and make you feel more connected. “Deep throating is incredibly intimate. You're basically giving deep sexual pleasure to your partner by making love to them with your mouth and throat,” she explains. “There's often an element of surrendering to one's partner by the giver and a sense of power and control by the person receiving. The receiver will experience the intimate depth of the person's mouth and usually the back of the throat is soft and feels particularly good against the tip of the penis.”
She Could Actually Orgasm From It
While not all that common, Hall says that some women do experience some ecstasy from deep-throating, and not just because it’s a confidence boost to get off your partner in a seductive way. “Females who deep throat their partner have the potential benefit of stimulating the nerves, thought to be the vagus nerve, which runs from the back of the throat throughout the body and straight down to the vagina. Women have reported having incredible orgasms by stimulating the back of their throat through deep throating their man,” Hall says.
4. How Do You Talk To Your Partner About It?
If deep-throating is always something you’ve wanted to try or better yet, something you wish was part of your habits as a couple, it’s important that you talk to your partner about it. But because the act itself requires so much out of her and so little out of you, you might feel selfish or uncomfortable bringing it up. But when you do work up the courage to discuss it and put it on the table — in the right, respectful way — it can open the door to talking about all sorts of sexual fantasies and desires you both have.
“It's always best to approach your partner about trying new sexual things when you're both feeling connected and open. Frame things by telling your partner how much you love oral with them and how sexy it would be to try taking things to another level,” Hall suggests. “You can tell them about an article you read and how deep throating can bring pleasure for both of you.”
5. What Are Some Myths And Truths About Deep Throating?
Myth: Women like to have their heads pushed down
Repeat after us: clear consent is necessary in all sexual acts, and deep-throating is no exception. If you want her to go further down on you, don’t push her head while she’s going down on you. Instead — talk to her, as we mention above - and let her try it at her own pace. “It's important to have a ‘safe gesture’ for your girlfriend to do when she is deep-throating. That means that if it gets too intense, or she can't breathe, you will know that when she does the gesture (such as shake her head "no" or tap your leg) and you will pull out,” Riley says.
Truth: Deep-throating isn’t necessary to have a good blow job - it’s just a perk
Even if you successfully work in some deep-throat practice in your relationship, you must remember that like anal sex, it isn’t something that has to happen every single time you have sex to make your oral giving-and-taking enjoyable. Singer suggests letting your girlfriend surprise you with it when she wants to and not making her feel like it has to happen each and every single time she gets on her knees.
Myth: Some people simply can’t deep-throat
Experts agree that everyone can deep-throat if they practice and if they are willing to give it a chance. It should be a choice they make and one they agree to do for both your pleasure and their own, and nothing they’re pressured to do. As Hall says, with practice, it can be possible but it takes a lot of understanding and patience. “There's a myth that deep throating is impossible, which isn't true. It can be challenging, but if the giver learns to relax, open their throat and control their breathing properly, it is completely possible and can be a great experience for both partners,” she says.
Truth: Deep-throating can be foreplay for men and women
For many women, being able to please their partner is a turn on, just like it gets you excited to hear your partner moan. Using deep-throating as a way to get you ready to come inside of her is a sexy form of foreplay. “ It turns me on to perform oral sex and deep-throating on a partner, so I use it as foreplay in that way. I recommend people start with other types of oral play and handjob fun in order to get everyone warmed up. One of the tips I give in my class is to make a blowjob playlist of around four to five songs,” Riley says. “Start with a low-paced song, and then move up to other songs that are medium and fast paced. I recommend trying to pair your hand and mouth strokes to the rhythm of the song. Deep-throating can be a really fun, passionate and intense way to finish up a blowjob, but I do recommend taking time to warm up to it. “