Blame Mrs Robinson, Demi Moore or your friend Dave’s hot mum when you were 15 if you like – but most men agree there’s just something about seducing an older woman. And it doesn’t have to venture into Oedipus territory: dating site EliteSingles analysed the search data of 450,000 members and found 20 to 29-year-old guys preferred dating women three to six years their senior. But when sexual experience isn’t on your side, how do you make sure your female partner still gets a pleasurable deal? We went straight to the cougars’ mouths and asked: What hits the spot, and what’s way off?
“The sex – particularly his fingers – was quite… stabbing. Like he was trying to angrily prod my clitoris to orgasm. I kept saying, 'Gently, gently, try it softer, it feels so good softer.' He stopped and said – in a tone that was part annoyed I’d critiqued his technique, part utterly incredulous – 'What is this gently thing you keep going on about?' He had little idea how to touch a woman outside of the hard, fast, frantic movements from porn. Problem is: my clitoris isn’t Teflon coated.” Jenny, 28, with a 22-year-old. (sex advice)
2. It's that buzz:
“I’m in my late forties, and knowing I can make a man in his twenties aroused and desperate to pleasure me is the most incredible feeling. Unlike when I was younger, when you get past a certain age you aren’t thinking about a future. For me, there’s no plan behind our meet-ups, no agenda, no biological clock that makes me feel vulnerable or need to define the encounter as anything more than sex. It’s wonderfully selfish, actually. I enjoy the attention, the male body and the ego buzz.” Elaine, 47, with a 26-year-old.
3. Where's it all gone?
“My biggest surprise was young men’s hairlessness, everywhere. In my generation, a small pubic trim was polite – though you wouldn’t run for your life if a full, 70s-style pubic ‘fro sprung out of the boxers. But this guy’s balls, armpits, legs and chest were all shaved, or waxed, or… (my mind boggles on the ‘how’). I think I gasped seeing him naked. It was certainly very, um, fresh.” Rebekah, 36, with a 26-year-old
“I thought that dating a man five years younger would mean frantic, ridiculous, every-minute-possible sex. Because that’s the stereotype, right. But it’s about the individual, not the age. My partner takes antidepressants, which means his sex drive isn’t particularly high. He gets anxious that he might not be able to get hard (often self-fulfilling), and it can take him a long time to come – if at all. For us, it’s often about finding pleasure outside of intercourse.” Cara, 28, with a 23-year-old
5. The C-word:
“The let down of sleeping with younger men is their determination not to wear a condom. The whole, 'Oh, she won’t notice/mind if I just stick it in.' If I mention the C-word, it’s treated with the repulsion of a non-fish-eater finding an anchovy on their pizza; I’ve had guys beg and plead. Take the 'But I’ll lose my erection' line – I think, if a guy 15 years older than you can stay hard, you’ll likely be fine.” Andrea, 33, with early 20-somethings.
6. Cougar Sex Rocks:
“Coming out of a 12-year relationship, cougar sex is a breath of fresh air to just f***. Married sex can be boring. It's great having sex with someone I’m lusting after instead of someone I’ve been living with for years. It doesn’t mean much, but it’s the best antidote to the boredom of sorting my divorce.” Helen, 43, with a 32-year-old.
7. Had Your Protein, Bro?
“The obvious benefit is the stamina. Surprise drawback? Also the stamina – particularly the sheer volume of food required maintaining it. For three years I was in a relationship with an eight-year age gap, starting when he was 23 and I was 31. I owned my house and lived alone, so we’d always stay at mine. His food appetite was enormous anyway – young guy plus gym habit – so he ate a massive dinner, then a huge bowl of cereal later, then wanted more food after sex. It was funny – though less so when my supermarket bills tripled with him in my life.” Sarah, now 35
8. Patience Is A Virtue:
“My younger boyfriend gets frustrated if I’m not in the mood, or if we have to wait longer than a week. He’s used to watching naked women on-demand who are always ready to go – it makes him less familiar with normal human women who might be tired or feel bloated or prefer to do it in the morning.” Chloe, 35, with a 27-year-old.
9. And So Is Maturity:
“There’s an eleven-year age difference between us and the bedroom is incredible, the body is incredible. I secretly send friends Snapchats of him topless. But that’s the best part of our relationship. Elsewhere, it’s much harder: he wants to go on three-day drugs benders when I want to go for a nice dinner. He got so drunk at a friend’s housewarming that he wet himself in her living room. And it’s hard not to get jealous when all the other women he socialises with are a decade younger than you. I’m hoping he grows up, because great sex only scratches one kind of itch.” Alex, 34, dating a 23-year-old.