"Sex tips" Things You Only Know If You've Had a Threesome

Sex tips Things You Only Know If You've Had a Threesome
In porn, threesomes are as everyday as a nice cup of tea and a slice of toast for breakfast. One minute you're sat with your girlfriend and her mate, the next you're all naked and taking it in turns to, y'know, do stuff. How many times has that happened to you in real life? Quite probably never.

The fantasy three-way is an oft ticked box on sexual bucket lists for men and women alike and with so many videos featuring the holy trinity of erotic bliss, it's easy to see why. Obviously porn is porn and real life sex with two other people is a different kettle of orgasms. (sex advice)

If you've ever wondered what it's really like to have a threesome, I have some words of advice from those in the know. These adventurous lovers have earned their three-way wings and are ready to impart their (not always pain-free) knowledge on those keen to follow in their steps.

1. Porn star Dick James: It takes patience:

Also known as Professor Dick, James is a UK porn star but he and his partner enjoy threesomes as part of their own sex lives. He's eager to dispel the myth that porn star sex is the thing of fantasies; in fact he didn't tick off this particular fantasy on set.

"As a male porn actor, you'd think I'd have shot a fair few threesomes in my time. In reality, I've never done a three-way scene on camera or been part of an adult-industry hook-up in that sense. My experience is all derived from the real world; being a porn star is no guarantee you'll get your first threesome...

"I find it's better to wait for one of the women to initiate things. Sometimes it's hard to read signals if you're already turned on, so I like to take a back seat and let the ladies take charge. You have to have patience and prepare to be frustrated. You could all be a bit merry, sharing the same hotel room (or even bed) and in seemingly ideal conditions, but it isn't that easy. You're there with your best poker face, waiting for something to happen, but nothing. No matter how frustrated you feel, don't try to push anything, as it can end up rather awkward."

2. Ruby Derrière - Model & Burlesque Artiste: It can be painful:

Ruby is a bisexual burlesque performer and model with a penchant for boy-girl-girl threesomes. In her experience, being intimate with a woman for her first time can be a mixed bag.

"It's been quite some time since I've had a three-way (which has always been b/g/g) but I've learnt a few lessons," she says. "As an experienced bisexual woman, I've always found the thought of being with a girl who hadn't had sex with another woman exciting. In reality, it isn't always great. I've had a girl bite things that she shouldn't have down there and I didn't feel I could pull her up on it without spoiling the mood for everyone – so my whimpers were very much decorated with a grimace. It's much easier to correct a bad performance when there isn't an extra person to think about.

3. Porn star Dick James: Voyeurism pays off:

"You'll find it's much more stimulating for women to take the lead," he says. "Not only is it incredibly sexy to watch, it helps you all find the right rhythm for play. At the end of the day, if you're a man in bed with two women, that's two lovers with different preferences to cater for. You learn a lot by being voyeuristic before joining in.

"Watching play before orgasm is satisfying, afterward you feel like a spare part in your own sex life. Take it steady and be prepared to take a back seat more than you imagined. A great threesome lasts longer than a few minutes and you need to play your part in making that happen. I like to bring sex toys into the bedroom, too."

4. Ruby Derrière: There's an element of performance:

"Men should be careful when it comes to bridging fantasy and reality. I have at times wished the guy would just leave as his performance felt like just that – a performance! Having a threesome isn't like being in a porn movie and it doesn't feel nice for either of us girls when you're pulling moves made for cameras instead of pleasure."

5. Sex blogger Justin Decerous: It’s hard work:

Justin has been running his sex blog for just under 2 years. He writes frankly and honestly about sexual pleasure from a male perspective and he also has a successful YouTube channel where he reviews sex toys.

"Most guys dream of a threesome but by god is having sex with two women hard work! Awesome, amazing work... but definitely hard work.

"A boy-boy-girl threesome is easier in my experience, especially if you are utilising swinging websites (my favourite is www.fabswingers.com which is free to join) to find the other two members. As a single guy looking for a threesome, the numbers are in your favour if you're willing to participate with an established couple. There are lots of single bi-women looking for a threesome but they tend to have more options open to them, so it can be harder to find a good match."

6. Sex writer Cara Sutra: It takes confidence:

Cara is an award-winning sex journalist at carasutra.co.uk. She and her partner have a polyamorous relationship, meaning they have an open relationship which includes having sex with others together, as well as enjoying their own independent sex lives. As someone who has had more real-life threesomes than most porn performers, she is a veritable guru of three-way loving.

"It's easy to fantasise about wanting a threesome but when reality hits, it takes a lot of confidence to not feel intimidated. Pleasuring two people instead of one is a lot of pressure, even more so if you feel like the outsider in the situation."

7. Justin Decerous: BBG is easier than BGG:

"It's also actually easier to participate in a b/b/g threesome than a b/g/g threesome because the focus naturally falls on pleasuring the only woman. With two of you fulfilling that role, there is less focus on any one person and more emphasis on team work. It's also easier to share one woman than it is for two women to share a man, if you catch my drift.

"You will find that a lot of guys don't want to get involved with another couple because they are afraid of being naked with another dude or that heaven forbid you accidentally touch one another when neither of you have interest in guy fun. When you both make a single woman the centre of the attention and get to work, it's the easiest threesome you can have."

8. Cara Sutra: Be ready to watch:

"The main thing I've taken from threesomes is that it's not everybody in 100% of the time. Someone will be watching sometimes, and other times you'll be doing something sexual with an audience. People need to realise that if they're not okay with watching the two people in the room having sex without you (especially if you're in a relationship with one of them) then it's probably best to get those issues worked out first."

9. Cara Sutra: It can have unexpected repercussions:

"I had a threesome with a married couple and it ended up being the catalyst for their break-up. Alcohol was involved and it was quite sporadic, they invited me back to theirs on spur of the moment. After that night she was awkward with me and eventually cut me out of her friendship circle, despite us being close before. Eventually they split up and I believe it was out of jealousy over what her husband had done with me.

"It can be surprisingly hard to see someone you love have sex with someone else, so much so that the impact doesn't really sink in until a while after the deed is done. Be careful you don't lose friends and potentially partners for one night of fantasy, the reality sticks around a lot longer. Now I'm much more careful and will only agree to joining a couple if we've all discussed it ahead of time.

"Although there's a lot to consider when deciding to have a threesome, it can be one of the most exciting sexual experiences you'll ever have. The fact that both voyeurism and exhibitionism comes into play; it's a totally different sexual experience than you've ever had before. That means this is one fantasy which can make for a super-hot reality. There's also the potential to explore bi-curiosity as well as discovering sex positions you won't find in any run-of-the-mill glossy women's magazine."