"Stories 18+" Mother-in-law-to-be Test Drives Me

Stories 18+ Mother-in-law-to-be Test Drives Me
My knock on the door was answered, unusually, by my fiancée's Mum, Ros.

"Oh Tim," she gushed. "Do come in. It's so wonderful to see you again."

I stepped in the door and Ros offered me her cheek to kiss, and then she gave me an unexpectedly substantial hug.

"I'm so excited," she quickly continued. "Only 24 days until you and Jen get married, and I'll then have the most wonderful son-in-law imaginable," she enthused.

"You probably won't be quite as excited having me as your mother-in-law, though!" Ros added cheekily. 

Over the past few months, Ros and I have developed a close rapport. I appreciate her humour, she appreciates mine. And I probably couldn't be inheriting a more supportive mother-in-law.

"I guess by marrying Jen I'll be marrying a package of both you and her," I retorted. "And, I must add, I'm not complaining about that at all. You know I really like you!" 

By now Ros was heading to the kitchen. "Let me get you a beer, you gorgeous man, you gorgeous son-in-law-to-be," she said as she opened the fridge, handing me a beer and taking out a bottle of white wine before pouring herself a glass.

"Oh," she continued, almost as an afterthought. "Jenny rang a few minutes ago. She tried to call you but couldn't reach you. She's been asked to work a second shift, so she asked me to explain, say sorry that she you won't be able to join you for dinner tonight, and she has asked me to look after you."

"So I've promised her that I'll do just that!"

We moved to the living room engaging in a bit more banter, a bit more small-talk, before Ros informed me "You've really been wonderful to Jenny. Extraordinarily understanding, extraordinarily patient. You must be just absolutely aching to get into her pants and be absolutely desperate to shoot your cum."

I just nodded.

Ros was alluding to the fact that Jen was still a virgin and, therefore, she and I have yet to have sex. 

There was certainly no question that I was absolutely aching to 'get into Jen's pants,' as Ros put it, but what Ros didn't know...and what Jen certainly didn't know...was that I was regularly 'shooting my cum' into Jen's best friend, into Jen's chief bridesmaid-to-be, Sarah. So whilst waiting until that day, now just 24 days away, when Jen would experience that incredible once-in-a-lifetime feeling of a hard-on being thrust up her virgin hole - and thereafter being committed to a lifetime of receiving regularly fucks from me – I was being 'well looked after,' in the best possible way, by her best friend Sarah.

"Let me fetch you another beer," Ros volunteered as she disappeared to the kitchen again, simultaneously refilling her glass.

She returned and handed the beer to me.

"I told Jen I would look after you today, and this is how," she exclaimed as she hoisted her skirt high above her waist, revealing that she was wearing no undies. Ros' words were delivered simply as a statement, not as an invitation.

Ros stood there, absolutely naked from the waist down, giving me a full-frontal view of her slash...and of a generous covering of pubic hair. What a contrast this was to her daughter Jen, who had the tiniest, most neatly trimmed Brazilian running up from the top of her clitoral cleavage!

I must have simply responded with an "Oh!" because Ros quickly added "I hope you don't mind, but I've really wanted to take you to my playroom from the very first day we met. In fact, I told Jenny that very day that she had a great find in you, and I told her that, if she ever let you go, I'd certainly be taking to you to my playroom before you finally disappeared."

"And, you know, women have needs. Even widows have needs and I'm absolutely desperate today to receive a good fuck, if you can understand how I feel."

I guess my response of "You won't be telling Jen?" signified that I wasn't going to object.

* * * * *

This may be an appropriate time to tell you a little more about my fiancée, Jen.

Jen is Ros' only child. Unfortunately, her husband died when Jen was quite young, so Ros has raised her as a single parent. And, in my opinion, she has done a superb job.

Mum and daughter, as you might expect, are incredibly close. Both of them have few secrets they have not shared – hence my checking that Ros would not let Jen know that I was to, or I had, screwed her Mum. Not that it would particularly upset Jen – she (as I do - to an obviously lesser extent!) would simply think it was inappropriate or unusual for any mother to seduce her daughter's boyfriend...and, particularly so when he was her daughter's fiancée or husband. 

If anything was likely to upset Jen, it would be that her Mother had wilfully taken advantage of an opportunity - innocently presented by her daughter - to be fucked by me even before she (Jen) had received her first screw from me...and, perhaps what was worse, it was occurring just days before Jen had planned to receive her first-ever rooting-canal rebore. 

Ros has schooled Jen very well in matters sexual. I very quickly learned that Jen had perhaps the most comprehensive understanding of what it means to be female, and had a most unusual understanding of what men want, what men need, and what (and how!) girls should look after their men.

Jen has long flaxen hair, a very attractive face which almost perpetually carries an engaging smile, deep blue eyes...and a very appealing nubile (in all senses of the word) body – taut, well-rounded tits, shapely 'squeezable' hips, terrific legs, two firm (very pattable!) buttocks on the back side of her body and a VERY enticing slash topped by that tiny Brazilian running up and onto her pubic mound around the front. And, because she has very light pubic hair, there are times when I have to look twice to be sure that she hasn't recently shaved it all off. (And, oh how I wish that she would. That would be a real treat!) 

She's the sort of girl that guys just want to touch – and touch up!

But Jen is a romantic. At some stage in her life she decided that it would be 'cool' to be able to walk down the aisle and legitimately be able to wear white. So there and then she decided that she would retain her virginity until her wedding night. She has even explained to me that she would 'sort of' like to bleed that night as acknowledgment that she has unquestionably retained her virginity – but with the fingering she has received from me in recent months, I suspect there is no chance that will occur...and she certainly didn't appreciate a suggestion I jokingly made that she have a hymen reconstruction so that she would be sure of bleeding when she received her first penile penetration!

I, naturally, tried to get her into her pants fairly early in our relationship but was rebuffed with a firm "No!" and an explanation that she was determined to retain her virginity until her wedding night. And when we got engaged about six months ago, she asked me to continue to respect her dream – but promised she would do everything else possible to provide me with the sexual relief that she well-understood I would be needing.

So, for example, she agreed that we would share a lot of 'pants off time' together during our engagement. This most commonly meant that I would be sitting on the couch, Jen would be cuddling up close across me, and I would repeatedly gently run the palm of my hand from her belly button down between her legs, occasionally allowing my middle finger to stray into her slash – just to check how moist it had become, of course! Invariably this would lead to my fingering her clit and my fingers searching for her g-spot, and it would usually ultimately result in Jen taking my cock into her mouth to receive a good serving of cum. 

Ros, and many of Jen's friends, have repeatedly told Jen that she is absolutely crazy remaining chaste until her wedding day. This perhaps has made Jen even more determined to guard her virginity – and to regularly remind her Mum and girlfriends that she remains a virgin!

Not that her seemingly-weird desire to hold on to her virginity means that Jen is at all prudish. She's anything but that.

Jen has a superb body, she knows it, and she is more than happy (knowing exceptionally-well how to tease men) to flaunt it.

I actually got to see all her beautiful curves very early in our relationship. And I clearly remember that first occasion as if it was just yesterday. 

We'd decided to go swimming in a nearby river, so I packed my swimming costume, she her bikini. We arrived at the riverside and Jen immediately undressed totally, providing me with an unimpeded full-frontal view of everything from her tits to her slash. She made no effort to hide anything, or even turn her back to me as she undressed.

She knew I was watching her every move (it would only have been a few seconds later, when I undressed, that Jen would see the effect that her having shed her clothes was having on me!) and she quite willingly obliged when I suggested she turn around "so I can have a look at your bum" – before she quite unexpectedly bent over, pulled her bum cheeks apart, and revealed to me, momentarily, something much more intimate.

I needed all possible self-control to stop myself from immediately grabbing her that day, shoving a nork in my mouth and thrusting a finger or two into her front and rear holes ...and was very thankful that the water in the nearby river was cold enough to deflate my by-now not-insubstantial erection.

Jen tells me that it was on that occasion she decided she would one day have to discover how it felt having my manhood up her love tunnel, and that 'date' is really responsible for us now about to be married.

Jen's 'liberal' attitude to her body and to sex has been enhanced by her career as a nurse. There is nothing she hasn't seen before and she is a regular recipient of 'passes' from patients. So she fully understands life. She's actually so open about things that, for example, when we once talked about females masturbating to orgasm, she demonstrated to me exactly how she does this. 

I became so engrossed watching her play with herself that I totally creamed my pants – which was most embarrassing...and it made me wonder how many other guys have been privileged enough to see a girl (other than on the internet) frig herself to the point of momentarily losing control of herself sexually. It's something, though, that I reckon every guy should witness, every woman should show her man!

Jen, however, realised she would experience fierce competition snaring me – especially if she didn't easily 'come over'. 

I'd developed a reputation as a bit of a pants man – probably thanks to my Dad who, shortly after I went through puberty, took me aside and explained there were only three things I needed to understand about women: 1. They are built to be fucked, so they need to be fucked, and they (despite what they will more-often say) want to be fucked. "Remember," he told me, "they are like a car – they need regular filling, regular servicing." 2. If you have trouble getting a girl to bed, just remind her that she will be far better off having a reputation as a good screw than the alternative - which you might just let slip to your mates – that she is frigid. After all, having a reputation of being frigid is, for any female, the equivalent of being sent to social Siberia, and 3. Don't be afraid to ask girls to go to bed with you. The more girls you ask, the more girls you'll get to screw, even if along the way you get your face slapped a few more times than is normal.

So over the years I'd seen and experienced a fair amount of cunt. Mostly good, some exceptionally good, a few I hope I never see again.

And Sarah's cunt is one of those I'd rate as 'exceptionally good.' She is a fitness instructor, and insisted she get me into good physical shape for my wedding. "That's the least we can do for Jen," she suggested.

Well, several weeks ago she announced she had succeeded in getting me sufficiently physically fit and told me, as Jen's chief bridesmaid, that it was now her duty to ensure I was just as sexually prepared. So fitness training sessions were switched to her flat.

Sarah is extraordinarily fit and has an attractive body – attractive head, well-filled lips, firm if smallish boobs, athletic-looking body, well-muscled and tanned legs and, as I was to discover, the most beguiling cunt. It's not overly large (I suspect she'll never be able to give birth naturally) and it is completely devoid of bush. 

She's the archetypal baldie – so between her legs is every man's dream fuck hole.

Being innately small, and Sarah never having given birth, her love tunnel is also unusually tight. In fact, so tight that when I first drilled her she absolutely screamed – which I perversely enjoyed. (I've concluded there is something satisfyingly primitive hearing a girl's scream as she 'takes' a fully-engorged hard-on well past the point that perhaps had received some added lubrication from a finger or two during foreplay...and, I must add, I've repeatedly been told my cock is quite a bit longer, quite a bit thicker than most girls have ever previously encountered [when it's fully erect, it's something approaching a couple of Coke cans placed end-to-end], so I've become somewhat accustomed to virtually every one of my first vaginal entries being accompanied by at least a short shrill shriek of surprise and pain.)

But Sarah also practices Kegel exercises – so, once in, I found she was even tighter and she was able to deliver a particularly satisfying rhythmic wave that effectively squeezed the sperm from my shaft. So the first time I was in, I lost control very quickly, shooting a sizeable load of cum up her pulsating vagina.

"Oh, we'll have to work on your control," Sarah chided me. "If Jen has waited this long, she won't want you coming that quickly. She'll want to feel your manhood slowly pushing all the way in, she'll want you to hold it as deep down as you can for as long as you can, she'll want lots and lots of thrusting – right in, right out, right in, right out - she'll likely want to hold you in as tightly as she can, and only after you've totally widened and opened up the whole length of her vagina will she want you to give her that first load of cum – and you must aim to shoot that from as far inside her as possible."

I wasn't quite sure why Sarah felt it necessary to give me these detailed instructions – but I guess she had no idea that I'd deflowered two or three virgins previously, each of whom, I'm sure, then wished the first penis they had taken was something a little smaller! Still, it is fun 'working on my control' with Sarah twice a week – being given hand jobs, blow jobs, 'practicing' in her vagina...each time satisfyingly (for both of us) ending by "shooting my cum into her from as far inside her as possible."

The second day at Sarah's Sex School she instructed me to lie on my back on her bed while she used her hands and mouth to get me fully erect. That in itself was pleasurable enough! But she then climbed on top and gradually lowered herself. "I'll be more in control this time, so it won't hurt me as much," she advised. "And you can watch as your little man slowly disappears up my snatch – and, be warned, I might never let him out!" she added.

That turned out to be a particularly satisfying screw. I held my cum for an extraordinarily long time while both of us gave the mattress springs a really good workout...and I especially enjoyed the feeling of Sarah's wetness occasionally leaking out of her love hole to increasingly moisten the base of my tool.

Being really wet down there is one of the things I really love about love-making.

I made the mistake that day of enquiring what sexual positions Sarah most enjoyed. "I'll show you over the next few weeks," she replied. I remember Sarah experiencing doggy, the cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, the hot seat, the camel ride, the waterfall in one or two other ways that I've momentarily forgotten. "And you'll discover I have some other ways of taking you before your wedding," she recently told me.

So Sarah's intimate sexual training, sexual instruction has now also become a program of "screw me in as many different ways as you can before you're finally given the green light to get into your girlfriend's garage." (How catty!)

I hadn't expected a price would be demanded by Sarah for the physical and sexual training I was receiving, but it came just a week ago. Sarah suggested she would keep her silence about our training only if I agreed to one last sexual workout on the morning of the wedding! 

It seems she, somewhat perversely, wants to accompany Jenny down the aisle believing that she (Sarah) may still be filled with a little of my cum. So the wedding would be something like the bride wearing: 

'Something old, something new,

Something borrowed, something blue' 

whilst her chief bridesmaid:

'has a little something from him inside -

that he has not yet given you!'

I still don't understand why women can be so competitive and at times so catty.

I absolutely enjoy being in the cot with Sarah. It is not only immensely satisfying gently tweeking her nipples, kissing and caressing her, running my hands slowly down between her legs, playing with her clit and her moist little g-spot (and, of course, fucking her, fucking her, fucking her) but also because she looks on the relationship partly as an instructor advising about how to really satisfy a woman. This is quite unusual. In my experience, most girls simply accept whatever they receive from me, but Sarah periodically tells me what she is really enjoying, how I can deliver more pleasure to her via her little clit, how best to work her g-spot, how I can most easily and quickly bring her to orgasm...and, most importantly, how I should hold my ejaculation until she is totally ready to receive it! 

Oh, having now screwed Sarah a number of times, how I wish I'd been Sarah's 'first'! That would have been real fun, and she would really have been screaming in pain! Big time!!

I've quietly tried out some of Sarah's suggested techniques on Jen, and she appears to have been similarly responsive to them. So now I can't wait to see her reaction when she receives my Sarah-enhanced penile penetration. 

Meanwhile Ros (remember her? – Jen's Mum with the surprisingly hairy cunt), was the first beneficiary of the sexual coaching I've been provided by Sarah. 

When Ros lost her husband she decided she was not going to become yet another 'wanting widow,' so she immediately accepted all invitations from male friends to 'look after you' and thereafter determined that she would be layed at least once every fortnight. This, of course, meant that Jen became accustomed, from a very early age, to a succession of men visiting their home to spend time in Ros' playroom.

It seems that Jen, when very young, even watched...and probably learned from what her Mum was regularly receiving!

Ros suggests she would now be mega-rich if she had accepted every request made by her numerous male visitors to screw her young daughter, or even to let them watch her in the shower. I can understand their asking...and certainly I am in no position to criticise any of the men for wanting to get into Jen's pants or to see what is usually hidden away under her pants and top! But Ros' answer was always 'good try' but 'no.'

I once asked both Ros and Jen what Jen's reaction would have been if Ros had ever suggested she make herself available to one of these men. Perhaps surprisingly – and demonstrating just how close this pair is - both indicated it was likely that Jen would have agreed to spread her legs for one or all of these men if she has been asked to do so by her Mum. "If Mum believed it was in our best interest for me to be fucked, I'd have willingly been fucked...and done my best to enjoy it," Jen suggested.

Ros sat in a chair directly opposite me, her skirt hoisted high and her legs splayed apart, so there was no way I could avoid having an extended view of her most female parts. 

And I could feel my penis involuntarily engorging.

"Hey," Ros finally said. "You've been having a good look at where your manhood is going, so it's time you gave me a look at exactly what will be going down there...And I understand from Jen that you're not lacking at all in that department!"

I stood up, dropped my pants, dropped my undies and stood there so she could see what I had to offer. Then I moved a pace or two forward so she could inspect things more closely.

Ros cupped my balls in her hand and gave them a gentle but very firm squeeze. And she kept the pressure on them for quite a few seconds, simply causing my dick to engorge further. I became a little worried that a some pre-cum might suddenly make an appearance. 

"Ooh, nicely trimmed pubes," she remarked. "Jen's doing?" 

I had to admit it was. 

The day after Jen and I were engaged, her nursing efficiency was displayed to me. She explained she had decided to 'set the boundaries' for our pre-wedding sexual activities – which were simply that I had access to all areas except for penile penetration of her cock pocket and any penetration up her rear end. She was willing to deliver anything I otherwise wanted, being very aware that she was perhaps being a little sexually trying.

"But we'll keep fist fucking until after the honeymoon, when my vagina will be better prepared to attempt it," she also advised. 

And, as she was sure I would want her to suck cock, she produced an electric razor and instructed me to lie down while she trimmed my pubic hairs back to about one centimetre in length. "If I'm to suck cock, I want to suck cock, not get a mouthful of hair,' she explained.

I took the opportunity of warning Jen that I'd be demanding she get down and dirty during our engagement – she'd be asked to piss all over me and, in return, she would be coated with (or at least her beautifully rounded boobs and front would be coated with) a liberal shot of my cum. And while we were in the shower rinsing off, she could expect to be eaten out like never before – she'd be dripping wet on the outside, bone dry inside (in contrast to more-commonly being dripping wet on the inside, hot on the outside). I explained to her that that was the least she should expect for making my manhood wait to discover what was up inside her cute little love tunnel.

And I also promised her that she could expect to be absolutely ravaged on her wedding night. After all, we had months and months of catching-up to do. 

"You ARE very well hung," Ros continued. "So come on, I'm now very aroused and very horny, so let's get into the playroom and play."

Once there Ros spent no time removing her skirt and stripping off her top. She lay down on the bed, legs spread wide apart while I removed my shirt. There was absolutely no question about what she wanted or when she wanted it.

"Over on your tummy," I instructed her. "You're being a very bad mother-in-law-to-be, and need to be disciplined," I joked.

She did as asked, and I started by spreading her buttock cheeks. They are not as firm as Jen's, but are very touchable nonetheless. I gave them a few rubs. Ros didn't seem to mind that I was also getting a good view of her rear entrance.

I was sorely tempted to insert a finger (and now wonder what her reaction would have been, had I done so).

This was followed by a couple of really hard whacks to her bottom – one on each cheek. "Bad girl," I added as emphasis.

Ros yelped as she received each...and I could see her still quite-attractive white bottom starting to redden. 

"Now let's make up with a big kiss and a generous hug for my mother-in-law-to-be," I suggested. Again, Ros submitted to my wishes. But things quickly progressed to my also having a taste of her tits and to my hand wandering down to have a good feel of the area below her bush.

Ros was decidedly damp. But I decided before my manhood got inside her I'd see if Sarah's recent advice about stimulating clits and g-spots also worked on Ros. 

I soon had Ros writhing pleasurably as I pushed her labia apart, felt for her clit and started gently fingering it.

After some minutes it was time to move south to locate her g-spot and then work on that too. "Are you comfortable with two fingers playing with the ridges around your g?" I enquired, knowing from experience that some girls found two fingers to be quite uncomfortable. 

She had no objection and very quickly I could feel her Skene's Gland was engorging significantly. I pushed down along its length, stripping the lubricant-female cum into her love tunnel before returning to work on her g and her c to cause her Gland to refill and, several times more, to be emptied with a helping finger from me. 

Ros was very wet by the time I suggested to her that one day in the future it might be fun if I tried to get my mother-in-law to squirt...and she informed me it was time I behaved myself and got inside.

She had massaged and gently pulled my manhood to its maximum stiffness, so Ros was certainly going to feel what was to come (and what was to cum!).

"I quite enjoy it rough, and I'm wanting it rough today," she advised me. "So just get him up there and get him in as quickly as you can."

I didn't have time to ask what position we should adopt. Ros obviously was expecting to be fucked good-and-proper while lying in the Missionary Position.

So I mounted her, she positioned my erection at the entrance to her expectant fuck tunnel, and after pausing for a good few seconds to let Ros wonder what was coming, I drove down as rapidly, as deeply as I could.


That noise from Ros' resultant scream was almost deafening.

And she was much tighter than I had expected. 

"Are you O.K.?" I had to ask.

"Nnno," she replied. Ros was obviously experiencing some considerable unanticipated pain. "It's just you're so big...but keep going...and keep going really hard,,,you dirty dog!"

Sarah's endurance training was obviously paying off. I had no problem holding my ejaculant as I thrust and thrust and thrust down the depth of Ros' love tunnel. And I was absolutely loving it – Ros' cunt was, I quickly discovered, satisfyingly tight around my hard-on.

Ros seemed to be willingly accepting what I was giving her...possibly even enjoying it...or, at the very least, tolerating it.

I wasn't game to completely withdraw and then re-enter her – even though I would have loved to have done so - fearing that might be just too painful for her. So I just kept thrusting, the head of my manhood delivering her a really solid rooting. 

"Let me know when you want me to cum," I suggested after some time. I had to say this because Ros - like most other girls – was unlikely to tell me exactly when she was ready to receive those refreshing spurts of wetness that I was now primed to deliver.

There was no immediate response, and I had the distinct feeling that Ros was now building to climax. So I just kept rhythmically pushing into her as strongly as I was able.

"NOW!" she exclaimed some time later, as I felt a slight shudder run up her body.

A few more thrusts later, she received what she wanted – a series of forceably delivered squirts of cum that would, I am sure, have ensured my sperm travelled right up to where, at some time in her past, it might have connected with one or more of her ripe, expectant eggs - ...and I received a spasm of delight as it waved across my body.

I grabbed Ros by the buttocks and pulled her into me as tightly as I could, and held my now-fading erection as far in her vagina as possible...and, without giving any thought to the fact that I had just screwed my prospective mother-in-law, simply thought to myself 'another satisfying screw...and I'll give her the same again, given half the chance.' 

"Ooh, I DO love you," Ros said when I eventually started to lift myself from the bed. "You know, I've had a few big dicks inside of me over the years, but I reckon yours is the biggest by far that I've ever experienced. And now I know EXACTLY what Jenny will soon have to accommodate every day...the lucky girl!...that is, if she survives her wedding night!!"

"I still have vivid memories of the day I lost my virginity," Ros continued, "So could I – as Jenny's Mum and also as a woman who now knows exactly what she is about to go through – ask that you be as gentle as possible and take it as easy as possible that first night. Just remember, Jenny is still a virgin and, whether she likes it or not, your cock will be stretching much of her vaginal wall for the very first time, pushing many of her vaginal muscles apart for the very first time, and that will more than likely hurt her somewhat." 

"And, as your cock is so big, it wouldn't surprise me at all if you draw some virgin's blood – so, will you promise me you'll be as gentle as possible?"

I promised I would, fully knowing that when push comes to shove with a virgin that it is sometimes necessary, and very much kinder to her, to simply thrust down as quickly and as deeply as possible. Yes, the girl screams as she loses her virginity, but she soon forgets the pain as she increasingly enjoys what follows.

I have no doubt Jen will, at some time, give her Mum a full description of her defloration – and, if I am present, I'll be asking Ros to also share the details how and when she lost her virginity, because she obviously has some story to tell. 

My bet is that she accepted her first fuck when she was relatively young, it was totally consensual, it did not happen in her own bedroom, the meat she accepted that day was ramrod stiff and delivered quickly, forcefully, deeply, and it resulted in her bleeding. Reading between the lines of things that Ros has said over the past twelve months, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that it was also followed by a rapid visit to the doctor where she reluctantly received her first internal examination, the morning-after pill, and her first supply of contraceptives.

Which then equipped her to experience what other men had to offer her. And I think that Ros is now appalled that her only daughter has not similarly taken the opportunity before marriage of experiencing what it is like to have a range of hard-ons thrust up her lovely little love tunnel. 

"Oh, and you do know that Jenny has booked the bridal suite for a couple of nights in one of the hotels in the city and that she is fully expecting you'll be spending 36 hours in bed together, with a 'do not disturb' sign hanging on the outside of the door...and with your cock filling her vagina for almost all of that time?" Ros said.

"And then she's planned that you both will be joining the Mile High Club on the way to your honeymoon where I expect you'll be spending a lot more time in the cot than on the beach? So good luck Tim. I hope you'll be up to it," she added wryly.

I think I'll be up to it, but I suspect Jen will be suffering from a very sore (and significantly wider) vagina by the end of her honeymoon – and probably even by the time she checks out of that honeymoon suite.